I'm now slowly being converted. I can now breathe through my nose, I mean, not in the usual harried pace. I now feel the calm of seeing a butterfly flutter from flower to flower with the blue skies on the background. I used to ignore these scenes...and butterflies were just bugs. What can a mere insect contribute to the world? I realized that tiny as they are, butterflies paint our world in living colors.
What triggered my conversion?
The answer: BURNOUT.
Burnout is expensive that it cost me my health, my relationships, my faith in God and motivation at work.
I'm not telling you to quit your jobs and just stare at the blue skies, watch butterflies and count the stars when nightfall arrives. I simply mean that anything which is too much is not healthy. And when not-so-good things happen in your life, let yourself fall, learn the lessons and pick yourself up again.
Signs of Burnout ( based on my experience ):
- Even if it was only Monday, my mind anticipated the coming Friday. I felt tired on Sundays knowing that the following day is another Monday again.
- I would sing "Manic Monday" unconsciously.
- I could not sleep well at night, such that in the morning when I woke up, I still felt worn-out.
- I drank too much coffee, a way to hide that I was not sleeping well at night.
- I became depressed over work. My boss began to notice my absences, tardiness and poor performance.
- I get easily irritated.
- I started to gain weight.
- I lost self-confidence and began questioning what I was doing in this job.
- I dreaded going to the office. I wanted out.
- I became prone to illnesses like colds, frequent headaches, stomach flu and worst of all, hypertension.
What Causes Burnout?
There are two causes: internal and external.
It is highly important to know these two types of burnout because you may change your external environment like joining another company or working abroad and still experience burnout. You will not be able to heal your burnout by simply addressing the external causes. You also have to deal with the inner mind-set that needs to be changed.
I will try to define these causes based on my actual experience.
Internal Causes
- I tried to please everyone but it seemed impossible because there were always some people who'd dislike me. Pleasing everyone was so exhausting.
- I feared rejection and arguments. I worked hard to avoid these two but people have different opinions. Experiencing this was mentally strenuous.
- I wanted recognition so much. I used to believe that people will respect me if I have a position in the organization.
- Exhaustion from travels to and from the work place. Three hours in the morning and three hours in the evening was really a problem. Workplace proximity was a concern as it began to affect my relationship with my spouse, too. I had little time left for home life.
- Low morale in the office. Some office issues affect individuals differently. Dealing with each one from my own staff was tiresome.
- Conflicts and misunderstandings with co-workers due to mis-communication
- A lot of workload came due to business needs. It was a good sign for the company but I denied myself of getting help because I thought it was a sign of weakness. This is an internal cause of burnout that I did not see.
Dealing with Burnout
To heal burnout is to address the causes. Start with the internal ones first.
Burnout happens because a person is afraid to face his own fears. Such person also has low self-worth resulting to loving himself a lot less than he thought of. A burnout victim has to learn the virtues of: 1) accepting his own limitations, 2) facing his emotions no matter how painful that emotion is. Being in touch with one's own emotions sends messages to the body and mind that "you are just normal", "you are worth it","you can handle this","you can get over this".
Acceptance by other people is easier if a person accepts himself first as he is. Talents, short-comings, pimples, warts, and all. Allowing negative emotions and feeling pain is alright. However, a person should not just dwell on that because every thing in this world has a purpose. Look at the lowly catterpillar. After crawling in its belly and eating leaves, it isolates itself in a cocoon even if it is so lonely inside.Why? Because it has a purpose. That is, to become a butterfly and fill our world in living colors! So you too should make yourself better and achieve your purpose. (More on this on a separate blog post...)
Loving one's self will also mean developing boundaries between self, work and the people around. Because a burnout victim has blurred his identity with the successes and failures of his work and what other people say and think about him. He needs to distinguish and establish his own worth in these separate realms.
I feared rejection so much that I tried to please everyone. Perhaps it is the reason why I have a "smiling face", but beyond this facade was a person who had longed for acceptance. Arguments may arise, but never in my life that I started one. In fact, this emotion was so suppressed that at home, I could only let it out to my spouse (thanks for an understanding husband for being a sponge). I also feared that when I seek help, other people would look at me as a weakling.
So, I woke up one morning. I would always look at the clock first, then my daily inspirational calendar. It says: the job that takes long to finish is the job that has never got started. So I started it.
Age 38 is half of my life on this planet. I'd better start somewhere. I started by quiting (visit my last blog for this).
I realized that in my last job, I was scattered everywhere because I did not seek help. I could not accept that I need it. I also realized that I can do things but not all. Some people were better doing it. Although painful on my ego, I left the job but left it gracefully to the hands of people who could handle it better (you know who you are, thanks people). They would call me from time to time for some things, but I'm much better now because I have accepted my boundaries. And I'm so glad to know that the organization is growing and the business is getting better.
A Burnout Victim is Simply a Lighted Oil Lamp that Has No Oil*
When you realize that you are a victim and has recently dealt with it, you don't just stop and be monotonous so you won't burnout. You cannot be the only gasoline boy in a gas station with an MBA.
A famous quote says: "choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life".
The key is finding your core. What are the things that matter to you most? It can be your family, or your relationships, or your pet, your house, your car or even your laptop. What are the things that you enjoy doing? Perhaps you enjoy travelling with your family, or having bonding time with your pet, or poking friends in Facebook or just plain eating out in different restaurants. What and where are you good at? What are your skills? You may be good in tinkering with high-tech gadgets, or really advanced in on-line gaming, or good in selling even Cake Raffle tickets, or excellent in accounting, or writing letters, articles, news and even TV scripts (you can send it to MMK+) or cooking .
When you do know the core of your being, you will realize that you have a higher purpose. That is the very oil that will fuel you. And you will never burnout. You will live your life fully.
So, what are the 10 difference of a workaholic and a lifeaholic? There is really just one, the former burns out, the latter burns up. The other 9, you can just list them down after reading and absorbing what message this blog wants to impart. :-) :-) :-)
Inspired by: Simplify and Live the Good Life by Bo Sanchez
Footnotes:
+MMK (Maalala Mo Kaya) - a weekly teledrama on ABS-CBN
*Chapter 38 Simplify and Live the Good Life